Our Biased 2008 Ole Miss Football Prediction

As these August doldrums drip by, our beloved Ole Miss football season sits on the horizon, motioning for us to “hold tight”. And we are. Patiently.

But we can’t help but write the entire season before it even starts. Pre-play each game well before kickoff, pre-celebrate, pre-everything.

And since we’re receiving no love from USA Today or SI for ’08, we thought we share our little internal FYI for the upcoming season, and how we see things playing out. Plus some trash talking thrown in.


aka, “Mamfis”. At least that’s how I tend to hear it pronounced. And hey, great mascot. A tiger. Original. And I heard his name was ‘Pouncer’? Ouch.. you know what? I’m gonna re-name your cat for you. Help you out. Introducing, the new U. of Memphis cat, Toonces. At least he can drive.

Ole Miss wins 48-2 (Jevan accidentally trips in the endzone)

Wake Forest

Quite possibly the worst college football uniform, and helmet. Sure, they accidentally beat us in ’06, but c’mon… Orgeron was driving blind back then… was too busy recruiting. I envision Greg Hardy having a field day on this one. LT style. Wake being confused. Their players looking to the sideline for guidance – looking to the stands to find their parents for inspiration. It won’t help.

Ole Miss: 53, Wake: 7


Interesting matchup here. The Palo Alto institution. The university that pumps out ‘web’ golden boys by the bushel. The mighty trees. I like this match up.. like it a lot.. Wha? pardon? It’s an ‘M’? And there’s no ‘T’? And they’re in B’ham? Oh, Puh-lease.

Ole Miss 77, SaMford 3


I remember the good ole days when we could sleepwalk through Vanderbilt. Those days will return on 9/20. Oh, and Vandy, you do realize your mascot has the same name as a disco supergroup, right?

Ole Miss 47, Vandy 10


The Land of jean shorts, beware. I envision Dexter McCluster going haywire in Gainesville. On the ground and through the air. And, don’t ask me why, but I see Oher coming in the game as a ‘featured running back’, and knocking down our final touchdown.

Ole Miss 37, Florida 6

South Carolina

Steve Spurrier won’t have a fond visit to Oxford this year. Golf visor nation, let me introduce Mike Wallace to you. He’ll be shredding your secondary. And don’t bother double teaming him, cause we’ll run it down your throat.

Ole Miss 35, SC 3


At this point in the season, we’re beginning to get a hair cocky – cause of the ridiculous margin of victory we’re enjoying every week. Dexter begins doing the Ickey Shuffle after every touchdown. Oher and Nutt decide to produce their own music video. But then Alabama comes along, and everyone says, “Ole Miss can’t continue on this kind of streak, it’s not possible”.

It is.

Ole Miss, 51, Bama 5


Nutt goes back to Fayetteville. And, on gameday, to prepare, decides to have a pork roast for breakfast, pork rinds on the ride over, and pork jerky during the game. And it works.

Ole Miss 91, Arkansas 10


Dear Tuberville, we haven’t forgotten. And we still don’t like you.

Ole Miss 44, Au-barn 6


ULM. Sure don’t sound like a football team. Sounds more like a corporation that sells timeshares in Myrtle Beach.

Ole Miss 71, ULM 3


As the month of November rounds out, LSU would have lost to App State, Georgia, Alabama, and – of course – North Texas. They’ll try to re-gain their luster, re-focus. But the sheer truth stares at them. They’re scared. Of us. And the fear breaks them down. 10 starters don’t show up. And Les Miles ends up filling in for the kicker.

Ole Miss 44, LSU 3 (We let Les boot one though, cause we thought it’d be funny)

Mississippi State

Well hello there Mississippi State. And welcome back to Oxford. Guess how we round out this year? By performing WWE wrestling moves on a few of your players – during the game. A DDT here, a clothesline there. Flags? Nope. The refs were distracted. Ole Miss Chancellor, Robert Khayat, gets into it as well, begging Houston for a spare uniform, which he puts on, and plays a single down, sacking your quarterback for a 12 yard loss. We win handily.

Ole Miss 55, State 0

With that being said, do we even need to play the season?

Photo credit: Derek Flash Moreton

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  1. add an additional 7 pts to the State score, as I’ll be joining Khayat on the field, and plan to run for my own TD..

  2. I like the optimism. Too bad about the injury to Greg Hardy. That’s a real blow. But for realsies, I see us going 8-4. Maybe I should change that to 7-5 with Hardy out…but we’ve got some legit talent and a proven coach.
    Let’s get this party started!

  3. Ha, ha, very funny, now come on Peter; let’s get back on the reality train. I see 3 & 9, maybe 4 & 8, but we will sure win all the parties, right? (Well maybe not, as I saw UF actually one upped us in that “scientific” poll this year: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2008/07/28/princeton-review-party-sc_n_115412.html).

  4. Coach Flash needs to give you a pep talk, H

  5. Alabama scores 5!!! Does Jevan trip in the endzone again? If so, why are we backed up on our goal line in the first place?

  6. Nah, Jevan doesn’t trip.. Mike Wallace receives the half-time kickoff, begins to chicken-strut out of the end zone, then slips on a banana peel thown on the field by an Alabama fan..

  7. Sounds like H needs some Koolaid

  8. SuperDude, put a little Stoli in that Koolaid and then pass it on over here.

  9. How does this work: If Ole Miss wins 8 games I’ll buy us a bottle of Stoli and we’ll finish it off in the Grove after that 8th win (or before the next home game if the 8th win is on the road (ie, against LSU). Here’s hoping.

  10. I was the single vote cast for Ole Miss to win the SEC. Peter appears to be right on the money.

    Coarch Nutt’s “Coarchin’ ‘em up!”

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